The Music Monkey

I have a new enemy in my war against procrastination – my piano. 

I once read a book that suggests that in order to motivate yourself you should make claims about yourself to motivate you to be the person you claim to be. I think that is nonsense, because by that token I can claim to be a pianist. 

I am not a pianist. What I can say is that I am a very bad pianist who can play very simple tunes but mostly makes silly mistakes that frustrate me to the point where I feel like getting up and walking away forever. 

Nevertheless, in my war against procrastination, I have managed, somehow to find some willpower that I didn’t think I possessed. When I walk upstairs I see the back room and there, taunting me, is my piano and I can see it through the open door. It says to me:

“Come and have a play if you think you’re good enough”.

And to be fair, I have started doing that more often. I am a big fan of routine and habits and this has helped me in my battles with procrastination. One habit I have created is to play the piano daily – and it works. Well – when I say “play the piano daily” what I really mean is “try to play the piano daily” or “play the piano like a blind baboon daily”.

It is working. Slowly but surely, I am actually improving. I can play simple versions of tunes like “Greensleeves”, “O Sole Mio”, “Little Brown Jug”, “The Can-can” and “Scarborough Fair” – sometimes without any mistakes. 

Learning to play the piano was meant to be a retirement hobby but I got so excited by the idea that I started three years before I actually retired. Mrs PM can play a little too (she had some lessons as a child) and she plays fairly regularly too. She is much better than I am. 

And now that I am retired, I can in theory spend more time learning. 

My big plan and goal was to learn the piano and perhaps start creating some music of my own. I consider this to be a project rather than anything more serious. And before I retired I thought at some point I could invest in a synthesiser and perhaps have some fun making mp3’s via my laptop. 

Then two things happened. 

First, I have a friend, an ex-colleague who retired some years ago who told me that he his making music. I was interested and then amazed when he told me that he had published it on Spotify under the name Methyl Orange. I went home and discovered that he had recorded two albums at that point. And now he has a total of four albums. 

Here is one from his latest album:

The second thing that happened was that my company decided to buy me a retirement gift. I opted to leap ahead and I chose this little beast:

I have spent some time in the last three months getting used to it. It is a surprisingly complicated device with a program menu that you can easily get lost in. I also know nothing about the various electronic music terms that are required to use such a device, things like MIDI, “Attack/Decay/Sustain/Release”, Envelopes, Gain, Oscillators – the list goes on. 

But, dear reader, I am getting hooked. And I think I need to sit down and learn the terminology before I can get further anyway. That said, I have had a play with my new gadget and my knowledge is increasing to the point where I have managed to produce some weird musical snippets that actually sound okay (in my view). 

Being a technophile, I now need to wrestle with the geek within who wants to blindly dive into the world of electronic music, and the creative person who wants to learn the piano, I am sensible though and I realise that learning the piano is the mandatory precursor to learning the synthesiser. I can however work in parallel to a certain extent. To be honest, anybody can make a synthesiser tune with little musical knowledge but it is so much better if you have the musical knowledge of how to play the piano. 

You may think that this is where the story ends. It’s not. 

There is a third component that is also important. This is software that runs on your laptop and is called a Digital Audio Workshop (or DAW for short), which enables you to record songs, mix songs and add even more effects. You can do things like play a guitar via your keyboard, the guitar being a “virtual instrument”. This opens up a whole universe of music creativity. Also there is so much to the DAW – it is a complicated tool. 

Here is a demo of a DAW:

I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface yet. I need to improve my piano playing as a priority, I need to learn how to use my synthesiser properly, I need to get to grips with electronic music production, effects etc. and I need to learn about DAW that I have installed. 

I am quite pleased that I have a technical background. I think I’m going to need it. 

Mind you, AI could come to my rescue. I posted about the possibility of becoming a lazy blogger by allowing ChatGPT to write my blog posts for me. You can read about it here:

The Fake Plastic Mancunian 

There are websites out there that will write songs for you that you can use on podcasts, websites etc.

I did try a demo on a website called Soundraw and asked it to write an ambient song. It actually wrote six of them for me. Had I not been a tight-fisted old git and actually put my hand in my pocket I could have paid for the songs and shown them to you. 

You can of course try it yourself for free to see what I mean.

I will post my progress on this blog whether I succeed or not. At the moment I want to try to create something myself rather than trying to be lazy and letting AI do it for me. 

It's quite exciting and a little bit scary because what I thought of as a simple  and this project of my has, in the words of an ex-colleague of mine, “grown arms and legs”. 

How am I going to find time to write, learn languages and create music? 

It’s a tough dilemma to have – but an enjoyable one. 

More Me

Welcome to a quite warm but wet South Manchester on a late Sunday afternoon. Let’s just dive into a couple of silly questions from Sunday Stealing, shall we? 

1. What was the last song you listened to?

That would be a cover of the Rolling Stones song, Sympathy for the Devil. The band covering it is Motörhead and it is actually very good.

2. What is your favourite thing about the place you live?

Manchester is a vibrant city with great people and I love it here. I live in the south of the city and it is not far from the Cheshire countryside and easily commutable via train or car to other great places like Chester, Liverpool, the Lake District, the Peak District, Wales and Yorkshire. 

We also live not far from Manchester International airport from where we can fly to many places directly. 

Also, if we fancy popping down to London, it is about two hours on a fast train. 

I like the convenience of the city and the fact that we can escape to the country in a short time – and even further afield via the airport. 

3. What is your earliest childhood memory?

That’s a tough one. I remember a few things, like some of the early toys I was bought and a giant inflatable plastic thing that looked like a punch bag. It used to sit next to my pram apparently but we had it for years and both my sisters inherited it from me. There are so many things but I can’t quite put a timeline on them. 

Here, for your amusement, is a picture of my and my massively blond curls when I was probably about 2 years old. My mum’s parents lived next door so we spent a lot of time there, as you can imagine. In the photo I am outside an outside workshop that my grandad had built all by himself. At the time he was a retired bus mechanic and he basically couldn’t stop building and making things and that workshop was where a lot of the magic happened. Incidentally, somewhere out there a friend of my mum’s had a lock of that fuzzy mass in a presentation case because she thought my hair was “beautiful”. I wonder what happened to it?

3. If you could be any animal, what would you be?

I would probably opt to be a seagull. They are big birds and they live by the sea – but best of all they are famous for stealing food from people. I would have a lot of fun.

4. Who do you trust the most in your life?

Mrs PM and my sister.

5. How many languages can you say "hello" in?

English, French, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Russian, Czech, Chinese and Japanese (and possibly more?).

6. What is your favourite kind of weather?

A sunny day with a few clouds in the sky and a temperature of between 22 and 30 degrees Celsius (72 and 86 degrees Fahrenheit).

7. How did you discover that Santa wasn't real and how old were you?

I recall seeing my dad sneak into my room on Christmas Eve with a bag full of presents when I was about five or six. The next day he tried to pretend that Father Christmas had left them downstairs because there wasn’t a chimney in my bedroom so he had had to bring them upstairs. I had already been asking questions like “How does Father Christmas get around the whole world in one night?” and this episode was one step too far.

8. What is the best feeling in the world?

Sitting on a balcony overlooking the sea next to a deserted beach in a foreign country with temperatures within the goldilocks zone mentioned in question 6, sipping a cold beer with a few nibbles next to me, whilst listening to some great music. 

9. What is your favourite colour?

Teal.

10. Is there a language you would love to learn?

I am currently learning Spanish and refreshing my French. I would love to refresh my German and also have a go at Italian. I think Italian sounds amazing. 

11. How do you feel about reality TV?

I hate 99% of it. The only show I can tolerate is the British version of The Apprentice. The British equivalent has Lord Alan Sugar doing the honours and the only reason I watch it is to see pretentious wannabe entrepreneurs with egos the size of Wales trying to lie and fumble their way (badly) through tasks. During the later, the candidates that are left are interviewed by Alan Sugar’s “trusted advisors” and those interviews are brutal, particularly when they involve a guy called Claude Littner. Have a look and a laugh at this:

12. Did you ever skip school when you were a kid?

No. My attendance was perfect apart from when I was poorly. 

13. What is your least favourite food?

Rhubarb. It is disgusting and even typing the word out makes me feel nauseous. 

14. Do you have a good luck charm?

No – I’m not a superstitious person at all. Such trinkets will make no difference at all to your luck. 

I don’t mind people having them though. If you are such a person and you believe in good luck charms and you think they actually bring you good luck then that’s absolutely fine by me. 

Me, Myself and I

Welcome to another dull Autumn day here in South Manchester. It was a bit drizzly on my walk this morning but now the weather seems to have improved; I can actually see the sun and some blue sky. 

Let’s dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing, shall we? 

1. When do I feel most authentically myself

That’s a good question and one that it difficult to answer. I guess it is when I am with close friends and of course Mrs PM. They all know exactly what I am like and they all accept the real me so I can let the barriers down to a certain extent to allow them to see the real me. Don’t get me wrong, when I am in the company of other people who I don’t know so well, they usually get a glimpse of the real me but I am a little reluctant to unleash the real Plastic Mancunian on them – at least until I get to know them better. 

2. What I'm thankful for today

I am thankful that I am retired. I am enjoying it. 

3. A memory I hope I never forget

I have a fairly good memory despite the fact that I am getting older. Mrs PM is always remarking upon trivialities that I recall. I don’t want to forget any happy memories, whether that means my kids, holidays or past events that have made me happy. No particular one memory leaps to mind; they are all important.

4. Other ways I connect with long distant friends

I usually connect with people using WhatsApp these days. I do use things like Facebook and occasionally I connect with long distance mates that way – but rarely. I never write letters and I rarely call people unless it is an emergency. I do have one university mate who I call the Luddite because he still has a phone from the 1990’s – one of those indestructible Nokia 3310 phones that apparently you can still get.

I contact him via text or via email and despite trying to persuade him for years to get a smartphone, he refuses to do so. 

And this guy used to work in IT too. I don’t understand. 

5. How I reconnect with myself when I feel lost

I put on music. 

Music takes me away from life’s problems and ironically when I get lost in the music, I find myself. 

6. What would be my signature drink if I owned a café

I’m boring when it comes to tea and coffee. I have black decaf coffee with no sugar and decaf tea with a hint of skimmed milk and no sugar. I think it would have to be a pure fruit smoothy made of oranges, apples and possibly peach, nectarine or mango. 

7. Something I’ve let go of, as I’ve grown older

I am still a little immature sadly – even at my age (regular readers may well have already guessed this) so I haven’t really let go of anything. I still play PS4/PS5 games for example, I still go to gigs, I still act like an idiot and I laugh at puerile things. 

I guess the only thing I have let go of is doing things that require a burst of adrenaline. Also I don’t play sports now – I just walk. 

8. The things I’m most likely to lie about

I am not that much of a liar (honestly) but there are occasions when I have fibbed about the reasons I don’t want to go out. The truth is that I am too tired but the lie is that “I have stuff to do”. 

9. What’s something I wish I had more time to learn

Everything. People say that it is never too late to stop learning and they are right. But as I pursue Spanish, French and the piano, I honestly wish that I had started about 20 years earlier. I would have been much better now. 

10. Social media trends that puzzle me

“Influencers”.

I’ve seen one in action. We were in Spain having a coffee and this rather attractive lady appeared next to the beach in front of us with a bag full of clothes and a stand. She then changed in the toilet in the café and mounted her phone on a stand taking photos of herself pouting with the sea behind her, while posing in the clothes, before changing them and then repeating. We watched her for about forty minutes. 

She had been either sent clothes or bought them and was posing for her Instragram feed. 

I also heard of an “influencer” who tried to get a free meal at a restaurant saying that he would write a good review on his food because he had several hundred thousand sheep – er sorry people – following him. 

The owner of the restaurant told him to bugger off and this “influencer” threatened to write a bad review as he stormed out. 

The other thing that puzzles me is people posting endlessly about their lives on things like Facebook and Instagram. Do I really want to see what Fred Bloggs is having for breakfast? Or that he feels a little “blessed” today? Or that he is staying in to watch Masterchef instead of going to the pub with his great mates? 

The answer is no!

I do realise that I own a blog and that I sometimes post crap about myself but these guys are in a league of their own. Everything they eat, say and feel is posted ad nauseam every ten minutes so that we can live our mundane meaningless lives through them 24 hours a day. 

Sorry for the minor hypocrisy, dear reader, because I realise that posting about myself on this blog could be construed as this kind of activity. 

11. Local phrases and terms I use often

I don’t really use Mancunian slang because although I have lived here for 40 years I didn’t grow up here as a child. Nevertheless I have picked up a few phrases and words that the folks of Northern England use. 

For example: 

“Butty” which means “sandwich”. 

“Hi, y’alright?”  which is a greeting. 

“I’ll have a brew” which means “I’ll have a cup of tea”

“I had to leg it for the bus” – “I had to run for the bus”.

“Nowt” which means “nothing” (as in “What are you up to?” – “Nowt”). 

“Scran” which means food. 

12. If I could only wear only three colours, I’d pick these...

Any shade of blue, black and red. 

13. Favourite books, music, tv, movies, and media this month

Book: I’ve recently finished “The House at the End of the World” by Dean Koontz

Music: I’ve been listening to the brilliantly titled Powernerd, the new album by Devin Townsend. The title track is quite entertaining (as is the video):

TV: I’ve been enjoying a very good Netflix show called Sense8:

Movies: I haven’t seen any new movies this month so I will just mention the one that I saw last at the cinema (a couple of months ago): Deadpool & Wolverine

Media: Okay – I guess by media, you mean You Tube or something like that. I visit You Tube quite often just to see what is going on or to look at music videos. One of my favourites is a comedian called Tom Walker who has invented character called Jonathan Pie who hates the Conservative party and appears in five minute videos on You Tube showing “outtakes” where he is professionally reading the news but then when they link back to the studio, he embarks upon a five minute expletive filled rant about what he really thinks. Here is his reaction to the UK election that happened four months ago. 

Forrest Trump

Welcome to a dull, grey but dry South Manchester. The sun was shining earlier but now it’s hiding behind a blanket of cloud. 

First of all, can I just ask a question? 

America - what have you done?

Although I suspected that it might happen, I am still shocked to discover that the new president of the United States of America is the same orange malignant narcissist who was kicked out last time. This man is a convicted criminal, a liar and tried his best to incite a riot and stamp all over democracy. He tells lies that would make Boris Johnson blush and somehow people believed the crap coming out of his mouth, crap I hasten to add that people over here laugh at. I wonder how our Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, is going to deal with him. It will be like trying to reason with a toddler. 

Rather him than me, I can tell you.

I’m sorry, dear American readers, but I can’t believe you elected Trump AGAIN! 

Still, I may have some material for future blog posts when the buffoon screws up. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Hobbies I've learned from a friend

I don’t think I have learned any hobbies from friends really. I decided to try my hand at writing on my own and I am teaching myself how to play the piano. Sadly I don’t know anyone else who can play the piano, apart from Mrs PM who is better than me but not much better. I would like to have a Spanish pen pal I guess as I think that would help a lot with Spanish. An American friend of mine suggested a web site for this, so I may well pursue it in future. 

I guess I could say some music that I have discovered over the years is due to a group of lads I go to gigs with – does that count?

2. My physical activity preferences

I used to run, play football and swim but now, as an older gentleman, my physical activity of choice is walking. This is mainly because it wouldn't be easy pursuing such activities at my age. 

Since retirement I have increased the distance I walk and last month I averaged over 10,000 steps per day. I will try to maintain those dizzy heights providing I can find some willpower over the winter months. It helps not having to get up at 6am to be honest. 

3. Music I think is essential for everyone to hear

Progressive rock. Progressive rock typically comprises a musician or group of musicians who play rock music but also experiment with different sounds and different genres. Some people say that it is self-indulgent and while I can see their point, some of the music that springs forth from their creative minds is incredible. 

Here are a couple of examples. First Rush – who introduce a little reggae into the proceedings:

Devin Townsend praises coffee with a little country and a soupcon of heavy metal. 

Dream Theater with some throat singing and a choir and of course some heavy metal:

4. Something I have to relearn every time I do it

As I advance in Spanish, I am trying to get to grips with some of the more complex grammatical rules, particularly some of the idioms and the use of the subjunctive, which seems to be more prevalent in the language than it is in English. 

I have to keep reminding myself of the rules. 

5. When I start thinking about holiday season planning

The term “holiday season” seems to be an American one that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. In the UK we only have the latter two of those. I usually start thinking about Christmas in vague terms in September, i.e. where am I going to be? Where do we spend Christmas Day? What about New Year’s Eve? So far we know what we are doing over the Christmas period but New Year is still in the dark. 

6. Quirks & preferences I have about writing letters

I don’t write letters. However, if I were to write letters then I would try to make them light-hearted, funny and interesting; something I like to experience myself when I read letters. 

7. If I had to limit my reading to only 3 genres, I’d pick...

I am going to assume you are talking about fiction genres. 

I would select horror, science fiction and political thrillers in the style of Robert Ludlum. 

8. When joining teams, would I rather lead or follow

Both. 

I am quite happy being a follower when the so-called leader knows what he is doing. But over the years I have been frustrated when such people go in the wrong direction (in my opinion) and that is the time when I felt like, and sometimes did actually take over. 

9. What’s my dream concert, and who would be performing

I am going to assume that you mean right now, i.e. not including artists who have retired or passed away- bands that are still performing. The concert would be a festival with each band playing a two hour set. There would be four bands . The openers would be Dream Theater (from 12:00 to 14:00):

I would then unleash Devin Townsend onto an unsuspecting audience (from 14:30 to 16:30)

Next would be Steven Wilson and Porcupine Tree (from 17:00 until 19:00):

The headliners would be Riverside playing from 20:00 until the curfew. 

10. The funniest, weirdest, silliest, animal/pet I’ve ever met

That would be have to be one of my current cats. Her name is Star (short for Stardust) and she is funny, weird and silly. 

We had to buy a fireguard to stop her from climbing up the chimney and also, from trying to attack the flames of the fire. Even now, she tried to pull the fireguard over. 

When she comes in, she demands attention and miaows until you stop what you are doing and give her the fuss she deserves. 

When I was working, she would walk onto my desk and lie down just in front of the keyboard and sprawl across my arms, making it really difficult to type. She has also sent emails on my behalf. She has even joined me in meetings much to the amusement of my work colleagues. 

Every day, she has several mad moments where she and her brother Ziggy race around the house like cats possessed. 

The scary thing that she does is wanders quite far. There is a school at the end of our road and one day I walked past and saw here in the playgorund. She recognised me and came running over, miaowing. She then followed me all the way home, trotting behind me, miaowing indignantly. She was like a dog. 

Also, she has set off behind me when I have been for walks. I've had to turn back so that she would follow me back home before setting off again. 

Here she is with me on my desk last year:

11. How has love changed for me over the years

I don’t think it has changed. I think these days I am far more content and therefore I feel love for a lot more people and things than I used to as a younger man. 

12. A book, movie, or song that brings me a sense of peace

I read books and see movies to escape the real world and in a sense that provides peace. No book or movie in particular does that specifically. 

However, music is amazing for that. One of my go to songs is an ambient masterpiece by French electronic duo Air. The song is called “La femme d’argent” and it is beautiful. No prog or heavy metal in sight. It’s an interesting video too. It’s not the official video, just something that somebody made. It shows the view from a  tram going down Market Street in San Franscisco in 1906 just four days before the great earthquake hit that wonderful city. 

13. Names I like but wouldn’t suit me

There is an English football player who has a brilliant name: Max Power. I would love to have that name but it wouldn’t suit me at all. Here are some other names I like that simply would make me look ridiculous if I introduced myself with them:

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Bastian Schweinsteiger

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Rip Torn

Freddie Mercury

Boris Karloff

Wolf Blitzer

14. What’s a part of myself I’m still working to understand

I am still working to understand every aspect of myself. I am a walking oxymoron, a paradox personified. I know the kind of person I want to be and I sometimes take steps to become that person before slipping back into the odd weirdo that I am. 

Don’t get me wrong; I like myself think I’m a great person but I don’t understand some of my own foibles. They don’t make sense to me. Now I have taken steps to try to eradicate some of my quirks and it has worked. The problem is that other new quirks pop up to replace them.

I guess I am destined to be weird. 

And I don’t understand why. 

It’s fun though. I guess I will always be me.

15. Something I love about myself today

Having answered the last question, I am very happy that I have the ability to be self-deprecating. We are all human and some people refuse to acknowledge their flaws. I share a lot of mine on this blog (not all of them) and usually have a laugh doing so. I think people like honesty and I try to be honest. I’m not perfect at all – as I have said – I am weird. In fact one of Mrs PM’s favourite things to say to me is “Don’t be weird!” because she sees me in my natural state, warts and all. 

And I am happy with that. As I am to share this with you dear reader. 

I mean what kind of pillock would call himself Plastic Mancunian?

November

Welcome to a dull and overcast South Manchester. It’s not raining thank goodness but it isn’t the greatest day we’ve ever had. Last week the clocks went back one hour so now it gets dark earlier, which means those nights are drawing in. 

Last night it was Hallowe’en so Mrs PM and I strolled to the pub to avoid the kids banging on our door shrieking “trick or treat”. As we walked, we did see them out and about and some of the costumes were entertaining. In the pub itself Hallowe’en decorations were up and the bar staff were also dressed up. 

I’ve moaned about Hallowe’en before on this blog. The thing I object to is the commercialisation of it. To me the commercialisation of it is an American thing and, as a nation, sadly, we are slowly embracing this commercialisation. As I walked down our street I saw several houses where the owners had decorated with pumpkins, spiders webs, skeletons and various other bits and pieces from horror movies. We never used to do that in the UK. There were always stories and stuff like that but giving out sweets and dressing up is something from the States. 

Still – each to their own. I enjoyed my pint of ale. 

I’ll stop being a grumpy old git now and answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Local events, parades or festivals – either in your hometown or state

We have loads of events and parades and events in Manchester throughout the year. Here are some of them:

Manchester International Festival – includes art, performances and music throughout Manchester for a couple of weeks in July.

Manchester Pride – a famous weekend in August that celebrates LGTQB+ with parades music and general fun. I’ve wandered around the city when this happens and it is a fun experience.

Parklife – A huge music festival held annually in Heaton Park. Sadly, it’s not my kind of music but it is a huge event for younger folks. 

Sounds of the City – a series of headline gigs from a variety of established musical artists in the Castlefield area. I have attended one of these – Porcupine Tree last year. It was excellent. 

Oktoberfest – a beer and food festival in a similar vein (but much smaller scale) to the Munich Oktoberfest. We have been for the last two years and it is amazing fun.

Chinese New Year – a huge parade to celebrate Chinese New Year always occurs in the city centre. I’ve been a couple of times and it was great fun, with great food too. 

There are more and even locally to me. For example, last week we went to a beer festival for our local area and in attendance was the Mayor of Greater Manchester himself who Mrs PM accosted for a photograph. 

There’s always something going on. 

At Christmas, there will be a Christmas parade and the Christmas Markets will be erected for a month. That’s always fun.

2. Life update – what’s happened recently, moving house, family wedding, vacation, new pet, visited with a friend, and so on.

The only significant thing that has happened recently is my retirement. And I love it. 

3. Do you have any family traditions this month?

Not really. November is one of the weirdest months of the year for me. Winter is coming and it gets darker quicker, as I said above, so I should find it slightly depressing. However, the countdown to Christmas has already begun so I find myself buoyed by that, rather than November itself. We don’t typically plan anything this month because December is always very busy. 

4. The holidays are about two months away, do you begin shopping or creating now or wait until December?

I prefer to start in November because I hate shopping. Shopping in December is pure madness because the shops are rammed full of manic shoppers.

5. What is your favourite November memory?

I’m struggling to think of one to be honest. It’s a bit of a boring month. 

6. Now that the weather is getting cooler do you prefer? Staying indoors or going outdoors? What do you do?

I like to go outdoors still. I walk every morning and at lunchtime too usually. It’s still autumn and at the moment the parks are full of colourful leaves and it isn’t too cold just yet. That will change as November goes on but I will still brave the weather as it gets worse. Winter tends to be a time when I spend more time indoors generally; it’s cosier. 

7. Describe your favourite local restaurant

We have a couple of decent restaurants within a ten minute walk. There is a Nepalese restaurant that has won awards, a couple of decent Italian restaurants, two local English restaurants that are quite expensive for special occasions but the food is divine, a Turkish restaurant, a Chinese restaurant and others that I haven’t tried that have good reputations. We don’t have to go to the city centre to get a good meal. Typically If we go for a meal, we will pop to the pub first for an aperitif and then have our lovely meal. 

8. Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving?

I’ve never heard of Friendsgiving but I believe it is related to Thanksgiving. Either way it doesn’t happen in the UK so I would say neither for me. One day I may be in the US during Thanksgiving and if so perhaps I could learn more about it. 

9. If you could take any class, what would you select?

I am thinking of going to a Spanish class next year. I would also consider a creative writing class. 

10. To celebrate November would you rather enjoy pumpkin pie or sweet potato?

I don’t like sweet potato on its own. However, I have had a mix of sweet potato and normal potato mash, which is quite nice. I have never had pumpkin pie. 

11. How do you handle setbacks and failures?

They annoy me but not for long. I have learned from such things in the past and while I find them irritating, I recognise that they can improve things ultimately. 

12. If everything in your house had to be one colour, which colour would you choose?

That colour would be blue, assuming I were allowed to have different shades of it (and I was allowed to include teal which is a kind of green-blue).

13. Who or what would you haunt if you were a ghost?

I would haunt the entire world. Part of me hopes that when I eventually shuffle off this mortal coil, I will become a ghost that has access to everything and everyone. I would basically become a stowaway and visit the places in the world where I hadn’t made it to in real life. 

14. Have you ever worn clothing with the labels still attached?

Yes – once or twice. I recall being at university and a girl I liked said “New trousers, Dave?” I was delighted because she had noticed me but then I saw the reason why – and was totally embarrassed.

15. What's something weird that you recommend everyone try at least once?

Play the air guitar. 

Here is a couple of photographs of me at a wedding from several years ago (2013), trying to emulate Slash when Paradise City was played. I hasten to add that the inflatable guitar wasn’t mine. The groom was a huge fan of rock music, Guns'n'Roses in particular, and came armed with the guitar and top hat. It was weird but great fun. I would recommend it. 

Do you think Slash considers me to be competition?

See if you can spot the real Slash from the photos below.

 

To Do, To Do

 

Welcome to a cloudy but dry South Manchester. It’s a little dull and the clouds are a kind of light grey and it is a little chilly as we head towards November. The clocks go back on Sunday and the nights are drawing in. As they say in Game of Thrones – Winter is Coming.

That sounds depressing (I hate winter) so I think it’s time to cheer myself up with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What’s your guilty pleasure? 

I don’t believe that guilty pleasures exist. If I like something, then I who cares?

However, there seems to be a movement that insists upon the existence of such things. These people seem to forget that every human being is different and no two people are really alike, even though they both like similar things. 

Based on the type of music I like, people might want to pop me into a certain category. In which case, here is a song that may be classed as a guilty pleasure for me based solely on my musical preferences. To me it isn’t a guilty pleasure – it’s a song I like. You may disagree but I care not one jot.

2. Which meal is your favourite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

I think that would have to be dinner, though I do like a good hearty breakfast at the weekend. 

3. What do you do when you want to chill out after a long day?

I usually become a couch potato briefly and collapse on the sofa in front of a good TV programme. It’s relaxing and it takes me away to a different place. 

4. How would you spend your ideal weekend?

Now that I am retired, weekends have become a little weird, I have to say. I’m still getting used to them to be honest. What I’m trying to do is to settle into a daily routine from Monday to Friday so that I can leave my weekends more free to spend time with Mrs PM (who is of course still part of the rat race). Ideally, we will go out somewhere and do something interesting. For example, tomorrow we are going to Harrogate, across the Pennines, to visit my sister and have a wander around that lovely Yorkshire town. 

5. Do you listen to podcasts, or mostly just music? What’s your favourite podcast?

I mostly listen to music but recently I have been trying to improve my Spanish by listening to Spanish podcasts during my morning walk. I struggle to understand Spanish spoken by native Spanish speakers so although I can read and understand a lot of the language, I find it really tricky to listen to people. I’ve started listening to an American Spanish teacher who is telling easy stories in Spanish – and it is helping a little bit. The stories are simple and repetitive but I do understand them. I am hoping to graduate onto listening to more complex stuff spoken by native speakers at some point in the future. 

6. Do you prefer to go to the movies or watch movies at home?

It depends on the movie. If it’s a huge science-fiction blockbuster the cinema is definitely the best place. 

7. What was your favourite TV show growing up?

That’s a difficult question. I loved programmes like Dr Who and Star Trek (the original series) as well as comedy shows like Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Fawlty Towers. 

For example I love this Monty Python sketch – it is so clever. 

I also loved the Banana Splits and cartoons like The Pink Panther Show.

8. What’s your favourite TV show now?

Again – a very difficult question. I love shows like The Boys, Game of Thrones, Sons of Anarchy and Stranger Things. There’s great comedy around like Curb Your Enthusiasm and, of course Dr Who is still going strong. 

Hand on heart, though, I think The Boys is my current favourite. 

9. How would you spend your birthday if money was no object? 

I would spend a week or so in Hong Kong with Mrs PM. We are tentatively planning to go to Malaysia next year and, of course, we will visit Hong Kong on the way back. 

10. What’s your favourite season? What do you love most about it?

Summer is my favourite season because it is usually warm, sunny, verdant and the days are long. Also, there is a lot going on during the summer months and, while I love the UK, I take the opportunity to go abroad as well. 

11. Do you prefer camping or going to the beach? 

I’ve only camped once in my life and I didn’t really enjoy myself. I think given the choice, a day at the beach would be much more preferable. 

12. Which phone app do you think you use the most?

It is one of the following: 

You Tube, Spotify, my bank app, Google Chrome, Google Calendar, Duolingo, the camera, email, WhatsApp. 

13. Would you instead cook, order delivery, or go out to eat? 

I think going out to eat is preferable. Personally I don’t like cooking. We rarely order food for delivery. 

14. How do you drink your coffee?

I drink my coffee decaffeinated and black without sugar (an Americano if you prefer). 

15. If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you choose?

Ideally I would like a dog and a cat or two. But I am happy with my two lovely little cats.  

The Fake Plastic Mancunian

A lot of people are scared of Artificial Intelligence (AI) – possibly because they have considered the movie, The Terminator, to be a documentary rather than a science-fiction movie. My career was IT, and towards the end of that career, the role of AI started to grow in importance to the point where, now, it is a science in its own right and is improving massively. 

I never really encountered AI during my career at all but it has always been there, probably since the very beginning when I was at university, grappling with computers for the first time. I seem to recall there was a course in my final year on that very subject (we are talking 1983 or 1984 here). 

AI is definitely not a new concept. 

The difference is that now a lot more people know about and use AI. And of course it has evolved spectacularly in the last 40 years or so. Equally, a lot of people are expressing concerns about the spread of AI and what people are using it for. 

A good friend of mine is a huge fan of AI. I studied the same course as him at university and recently he has been working a lot more with the concept. A year or so ago, on a university reunion in Amsterdam, he introduced me to ChatGPT and I was very impressed by it, I have to say. My mate is using it for a project he is currently working on. We also had chats about it on the most recent reunion in Budapest and, now that I am retired and have more time, I thought I would have a little play with it myself. 

Here are some initial findings.

If you aren’t familiar with ChatGPT, you can ask it to do things like write an essay about what to do in Amsterdam in the style of Jeeves and Wooster and it will go ahead and do it for you. There is also a lot more it can do - but in today's post I will just scratch the surface.

I have given ChatGPT two simple tests. The first is:

Tell me about “The Plastic Mancunian” Blog. 

Here’s what it said:

The Plastic Mancunian is a personal blog started in 2008 by a blogger known as "PM." It covers a wide range of topics, including personal reflections, pop culture, music, and humor. The blogger often shares opinions on politics, such as their dissatisfaction with certain political figures like Boris Johnson, and thoughts on various life experiences and social topics.

PM also interacts with readers through comments, often discussing shared interests like cats, spirituality, and even delving into more lighthearted exchanges about food or travel. PM is candid, sharing both humorous and serious takes on life, including memories of being bullied in school and reflections on taking politics more seriously in recent years.

In addition to the main blog, PM runs two other related blogs: The China Chronicles, documenting travels in China, and The Plastic Mancunian's Eye, which seems to focus on photography.

The blog offers a blend of entertainment, personal anecdotes, and community interaction, making it a relatable and engaging space for readers.

I'm quite pleased with that. Not only does it "know" about me, it was quite generous and kind. It also provided a couple of links to one or two of my blog posts. 

My second test is a lot trickier. I want to see just how good ChatGPT is. Here's what I have asked it to do. 

Write a blog post about how boring chess is in the style of “The Plastic Mancunian Blog”. 

Let me tell you now – the result is scary because it is quite accurate and reflects how I would pontificate about how boring chess actually is. I could have written this myself. Here is the blog post in full – written by ChatGPT in my style. It has even given it a great title:

Chess: The Cure for Insomnia?

Let’s talk about something that is universally acknowledged (well, at least by me) to be the most boring pastime ever created: chess. Yes, I know, it’s supposed to be the “game of kings,” the ultimate intellectual showdown where grandmasters furrow their brows, pondering moves with more depth than a philosopher on an existential bender. But seriously, after a few minutes, I’d rather be watching paint dry. And that’s saying something.

Chess aficionados will tell you how “exciting” it is, filled with strategy, cunning, and the thrill of outwitting your opponent. But, as I see it, here’s the actual process: move a piece, wait for what feels like an eternity, watch your opponent do the same, rinse and repeat. I mean, where’s the action? Where’s the fun? It’s just two people staring at a board, trying to remember if a bishop moves diagonally or in zigzags (I’m joking, I know how it moves… sort of).

Honestly, I’ve tried to understand the appeal. I’ve even dabbled in it myself. I can grasp why some people love the mental challenge. But for me? I’m more likely to enjoy watching grass grow. It’s not that I’m against intellectual games—give me a good puzzle, a riddle, or even a quiz night at the local pub. At least then, there’s a bit of interaction, a bit of spice, some banter.

And don’t get me started on those chess commentators during the big matches. They whisper excitedly, “Oh look, he’s moved his knight to C5!” while I’m over here thinking, “Mate, he just moved a horse-shaped piece from one square to another. Wake me up when something explodes.”

Now, some of you might be thinking, PM, you’re just not patient enough. Well, I am the first to admit that I am a person who needs some form of entertainment that doesn’t require a magnifying glass to detect. Chess is too slow. By the time a player’s checked mate, I’ve mentally redecorated my living room, reorganized my sock drawer, and questioned all my life choices.

To be fair, I know it’s a game that demands skill. And hats off to those who can sit through it. It’s just not for me. If you ever invite me for a chess match, don’t be offended when I politely decline and suggest a game of something more... lively. You know, like Monopoly. At least then we can have a proper argument over fake money instead of waiting 10 minutes for someone to decide if they’re moving a pawn or a knight.

So, my friends, if you ever find yourself unable to sleep, forget counting sheep—just watch a chess tournament. You’ll be out cold in no time.

How scary is that? To be honest, I also feel a little flattered because I think it has almost managed to copy my own style, using phrases that I would use and also capturing my light-hearted and humorous observations about the subject matter,

A tool like this could potentially write all of my blog posts for me.

Of course, I will never allow that to happen because the whole point of writing a blog post is that it is something you created personally and there is a certain pride in that. 

I want to say "I wrote that!" rather than "ChatGPT wrote that for me!"

Having said that, I can definitely see its potential and how it can make life easy for people. 

I don’t have a huge problem with that but for me personally the whole point is that I have created it from my own brain rather than posting how a piece of intelligent software interpreted the way I would create something. 

To conclude (for now) I would like to thank ChatGPT for such a nice summary of my blog and also for a great attempt at writing a post about chess being boring in the way that I would have written it.

There is much more to come from me on this topic because I have decided to dive in and see how far I can go with this. There will definitely be more posts on this subject. 

Watch this space.

P.S. You can rest assured that future posts will be all my own work.