Survivalism

Welcome to a cloudy but warm South Manchester. 

Yesterday I went to Old Trafford to watch day three of the fourth test match between England and India. It was a perfect day for cricket and a couple of records were broken by England’s Joe Root with the bat. 

We were in a stand where there were loads of Indian fans, including a very loud Bhangra band. The atmosphere was brilliant and we had a lot of fun. 

The match is still going on today (test matches last up to five days) and I will be watching some of it later from the comfort of my own armchair. 

Today’s Sunday Stealing questions look a bit trickier than usual. Let’s dive in and see if we can wrestle them to the ground, shall we?

1. You're on a trip taking a tour through the jungle. You have a backpack with some food, first aid supplies, a pocket knife, a flashlight and a couple bottles of water. Somehow, you get separated from your group. By night fall you haven't found your group and haven't heard them looking for you. How long do you think you would be able to survive on your own?

First of all, I wouldn’t take a trip in the jungle. I have a phobia of spiders and a lot of insects, particularly the ones that sting and bite. Also, I’m not overly keen on snakes and big creatures that can take a huge chunk out of my arm.

But let’s play along.

I’m sure that I would manage to survive for a short time and I would try to look for high ground or a water source. I’m an old git and I don’t think that would help my case either. That said, I am quite fit and I think I could manage to at least try to retrace my steps. That said, I’m no Bear Grylls so I think I might start to struggle when the food or water ran out. It also depends on temperature because I’m not very good in extreme heat. 

I probably wouldn't last too long if I am brutally honest.

2. Do you think it's okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Why? 

Only if there is no way that you could be found out. I would rather tell somebody the truth than risk them finding out that I had deliberately lied to them, even if lying were an act of kindness. I hate it when people lie to me and, to me, trying to spare my feelings by lying is worse than just being open with me. 

3. If a talking doll were made to resemble you, what 3 phrases would it say?

“Hi there! Are you okay?” is my standard greeting to people so that would be one of them. 

“You’ve got to be joking!” is an expression that I use when I watching the news and something surprises me in a negative way (for example when most politicians open their lying mouths). 

“Do you fancy a brew?” is a phrase I use at home or when I used to work to find out if somebody wants a cup of tea or coffee. However, I also use this phrase when inviting somebody out for a pint at the pub so it serves a dual purpose. 

4. If the super power to be able to read minds at will was possible, do you think it would be... cool and helpful, intrusive and wrong, manipulative or maddening?

I think it would be incredible if I could read people’s minds and I would definitely use it when listening to politicians. However, even though I am a fairly nice, honest guy myself, I would hate to have my own mind read. Therefore I would have to concede that it would be intrusive, wrong, manipulative and maddening. 

If I discovered that I had the ability to actually read people’s minds and couldn't turn it off, then I would try to get a job where it did some good, like exposing the bullshit of politicians or perhaps in some law capacity to discover whether a suspect had actually done something terrible. 

5. Are drunk confessions things people can't bring themselves to say sober or just the crazy ramblings of an influenced and intoxicated mind?

That’s a very good question. I am quite a shy and sensitive person deep down and I rarely if ever expose anyone to my true feelings by confessing, even after a couple of beers. To be honest, when I have beer, I still like to have control of my feelings and it was only when I was a much younger person that I allowed that shield to slip under the influence of alcohol. For me, confessing something when drunk in my youth, was using alcohol to allow me to express my inner feelings by removing the barrier of shyness. 

For example, at the tender age of eighteen, I once confessed my feelings for a young lady and was rejected in the nicest way: “I like you as a friend, Dave. Nothing more!” 

That hurt and I realised that confessing with “Dutch courage” wasn’t a good idea. I stopped doing it for that reason. 

Mind you, I have had people confessing odd things to me when slightly drunk and I can see why some people think that drunken outpourings are just the crazy ramblings of a mind clouded by intoxication. Nevertheless, the phrase “in vino veritas” (“in wine there is truth”) is still relevant and no matter how crazy the nonsense pouring from somebody’s mouth is when they are drunk, there must be some truth in there. 

Dreaming in Black and White

Welcome to a rainy day in South Manchester. Rain has been pretty scarce in some parts of the UK this summer so some people will welcome the rain. Some British people are a little weird when it comes to weather. When we have a wetter than average summer, they will moan about the rain and crave hot sunny days. And when we get hotter than average summers (like the current one) they crave the rain. 

There’s just no pleasing some people. 

Personally, I would be quite happy for warm sunny days and rain showers during the night while I am asleep. I hope you are listening, Mother Nature.

Shall we dive in with some well-deserved silliness from Sunday Stealing? 

1. My bestie and I once ...

Before I answer this, I will just say that I hate the word “bestie”. It’s one of those newly invented words that are unnecessary. I understand that language evolves and that new words crop up, but why replace the two word phrase “best friend” with the cringeworthy word “bestie”? 

I don’t have and never have had a “bestie”. But I have had “best friends”. 

Okay – moan over.

My best friend and I once had a crazy brush with Scientology in Amsterdam.

At university, my best mate and I bought an Interrail ticket and set off for Europe. I will call him Wally to protect the guilty. Interrail tickets are basically used by people to travel across Europe by train and explore and this was my very first trip abroad. I was 19 years old. 

We were about to leave Amsterdam to travel to Munich in Germany and we had an afternoon to kill. As we were being tourists, a guy came up to us and asked if we would like to join in some research by answering a questionnaire. Always willing to help, the two of us walked into a building and joined a few others as we answered a set of multiple choice questions about our personalities. 

At the end, we were given a cup of coffee and asked to wait while another expert analysed our answers. 

I saw my person first, and she was a young woman with a sad looking face. 

“Hello,” she said with a forced smile. “How long are you staying here in Amsterdam?”

I told her we were leaving later in the evening and she said “I would advise you not to!”

Alarm bells began to ring. “Why?” I asked.

“You’re test shows that you are suicidal?” she replied, her face becoming serious. 

“WHAT???” I said. “I’m not suicidal.”

“Your answers reveal that you are very sad and depressed,” she said. “You may not believe it but you are. There is a darkness inside you that we need to help you with. And we can help you if you stay...”

I was a little naïve but I had enough nous to disagree with her bullshit. In the end, she tried to sell me a book by L.Ron Hubbard called “Dianetics” and I just got up and walked away. As I waited for Wally, I began a deep search within. Was I depressed? Was I suicidal? I knew the answer was no but I wondered how they could have drawn that conclusion from my answers, which in my opinion, if anything, told me the direct opposite.  

Just then, Wally came outside laughing. 

“Guess what?” he said. “I’m suicidal and if I don’t join their course then I’m in serious trouble. What a bunch of charlatans. ”

“Me too?” I laughed, realising that it was just a recruitment scam. I now realise that this is how Scientology works to draw you in. I had never heard of this cult masquerading as a religion at the time, but I have now, so much so that I watch all manner of TV programmes about it. I am fascinated with how they can get away with their stupid cult activities. I can see how they recruit followers, though. 

Thank goodness I’m not that gullible – even when I was a naïve teenager.

2. When I'm nervous ...

When I’m nervous, I try to distract myself by thinking of something else that is relaxing. I’ve used this technique when I had to give training courses for work. I hate public speaking and I have had to do it a number of times and I find distracting myself takes the edge off my fear. 

Mindfulness helps too. 

3. My hair ...

My hair is a sentient being that hates me. I have a bad hair day every day and I have to rectify that by taking a shower in an attempt to control it. My hair is short at the moment but it still tries to become a mess. When I was younger I had longer hair and I had to control it with hair spray. I used to take ages trying to beat it into submission.

In terms of colour, my hair used to be blond but has darkened with age, apart from the grey that has slowly been forming over the past fifteen years or so. Thankfully, I am not bald at all and my hair does make people think that I am younger than I actually am. 

I still hate it though. 

4. When I turn to the left, I see ...

When I turn to my left, I see that it is still raining. We have had a few days of warm sunny weather so I’m not too bothered. I also see our garden which is very nice. 

5. My favourite aunt ...

I don’t have a favourite aunt. My mum was an only child and my dad had two sisters so I only had two. One of them sadly passed away a couple of years ago and she was a lovely funny lady. Her sister and my other aunt is still with us and she is a lot quieter but she is a lovely lady. They both rank equally highly in my affections. 

6. I have a hard time understanding ...

I have a hard time understanding the way some people think, especially when they totally and absolutely believe in conspiracy theories. I’ve talked about this many times before. The evidence against their argument is overwhelming yet they throw all of that logic away and choose to embrace nonsense that has no proof whatsoever. A great example of this is Scientology (see above). 

7. You know I like you if ...

You know I like you if I continue having a conversation with you and I smile a lot. I like to think that I’m a nice guy anyway and there are very few people that I dislike. Most of the people I do dislike are famous arses (like Piers Morgan, Donald Trump, Nigel Farage etc.) but if I know you and I dislike you then I will simply avoid you. 

8. When I was 5 years old ...

I was at school, learning to read, learning my times tables and (according to people who knew me then) was a really cute kid with a mass of blond curls on top of my head. I only have vague memories of that time in my life and they are mostly about school and playing with various toys at home. I caught measles about that time and one thing I definitely recall about that was the horrific taste of the medicine I was prescribed. 

Spill It

Welcome to a very warm South Manchester where the temperature is a generous 32 °C (90 °F). We are having a heatwave in the UK at the moment, which is due to stay until Monday, when the temperatures will dip a little and some rain will appear. I’m going to a cricket match tomorrow and the weather will be perfect for that.

Until then, shall we answer some silly Sunday Stealing questions?  

1. If money wasn't an issue, would you move to a new home?

I wouldn’t move to a new area but I would be tempted to move to a bigger house. 

I live in quite a sought after area and house prices are quite expensive here. On my street there is a mixture of house styles from three bedroomed terraces to three bedroomed semi-detached houses but also there are some huge six bedroomed houses. I live in a fairly large three bedroomed mid-terrace house (dating from about 1900) and directly across the road is one of the big six bedroomed houses. 

I think if I were to move I would just go across the road to that one. I would do this because I like the street and I like the convenience of being able to get into the city easily as well as the local shops, restaurants and bars. 

2. Do you listen to different music when you're happy than when you're sad?

Kind of. When I am angry or animated I find mellow music quite soothing – something like this:

Songs like this are also good when I am on holiday. I love sitting on the balcony overlooking the sea and listening to mellow relaxing songs, especially when the sun is going down. Such songs also help if I am feeling a little sad.

If I am happy or getting ready to go out, I tend to listen more heavy material, like this:  

To be honest, though, heavier songs also help when I’m sad and angry because I just get lost in the music. 

3. What's your favourite way to unwind after a tough day?

Day’s aren’t so tough these days since I’ve retired. However, back when I was working, I had a kind of wind down routine when I got home after a tough day at the office. The first thing I would do was get changed and then make a piping hot cup of tea. And after that just switch off my brain and either watch something inane on the TV or just listen to some music. 

It used to be quite effective. 

4. What's the first book you remember from childhood?

I used to read a lot of Enid Blyton books when I was a kid but the one that sticks in my mind is “The Adventures of Mr Pink-Whistle”. 

5. What made you smile today?

Mrs PM and I usually have breakfast in the lounge and when we got in there we found our two cats sprawled out in our usual seats, fast asleep. Star(dust) was in my seat and I did my usual trick and gently lifted her so that I could sit down. Both of my cats hate being picked up but when they are sleepy it takes a while for them to realise what is happening. Star(dust) looked up at me with bleary eyes and then repositioned herself to lie next to my leg (one of her favourite places). 

Mrs PM did the same with Ziggy but he just stood there staring at me instead of lying down next to Mrs PM. He then looked down at Star and decided that he wanted to sit next to me as well. So he just plopped himself down half on top of Star and curled up. I had a mass of black cat next to me with legs and tails intertwined. 

And they both fell asleep immediately. 

That made both Mrs PM and I smile. 

Black Sabbath

 

This is the first of two posts about legendary music stars that come from Birmingham, a city that is a mere 8 to 10 miles from where I was born. The first post is about Black Sabbath. 

On Saturday 5th July 2025, Black Sabbath played their last ever gig. It was in Birmingham, their home city, at Villa Park, the stadium that is home to Aston Villa, the Premier League football team that the band all support. 

I wasn’t there because it was too far to go and too expensive. However, I saw the them perform courtesy of You Tube. I have seen Ozzy Osbourne live once before, and Black Sabbath, also once, when they were fronted by Ronnie James Dio. 

At the gig Ozzy Osborne performed a set of his solo material, before being joined by the other original members of the band, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward to perform as Black Sabbath. 

This was a poignant moment for me because basically I have grown up listening to Black Sabbath and they were one of the bands that shaped my musical taste in the 1970’s. All four original members of the band were born and brought up in and around an area of Birmingham called Aston, which is about 8 miles from where I was born and raised. The band members and I have a lot in common in that we were all working class people whose parents worked in factories that spewed smoke and were really noisy due to clanging metal machinery. Of course, Black Sabbath are much older than I am (closer to the age that my dad would have been) but they all had musical talent and decided that a musical career was a better potential life than being stuck in a dirty, noisy factory for the rest of their lives. 

Black Sabbath in the 1970's

Black Sabbath in 2025

In fact, the factory environment shaped the style of music that they would ultimately create and excel in. That style of music is reminiscent of the noise and clanging metal environment that they and my own father worked in. 

Thus “heavy metal” was born and Black Sabbath were the founders and pioneers of the genre. 

Some people have said that their music is dark, satanic and evil but really they just wrote songs that sounded like the musical equivalent of horror movies. Yes, there were some satanic and supernatural reference in their material but when you look at the subject matter of a lot of their songs they wrote, the meanings couldn’t be more different. 

They are one of the most misunderstood bands around. 

For example, “War Pigs” and “Children of the Grave” are anti-war protest songs and, of course, “Paranoid” is about mental health awareness. 

The first time I heard Black Sabbath, I was just getting into heavy metal and a friend lent me the double album “We Sold Our Soul for Rock 'n' Roll”, which was a compilation album featuring all of the best songs from their first couple of albums. 

I loved it so much that I didn’t give it back to my mate for ages. I remember my old man yelling at me to turn the music down because, like most heavy metal, it sounds so much better when it is loud. He loved traditional rock and roll but he absolutely hated Black Sabbath. 

Over the intervening years, as I have become the old git I am now, I have followed the band through all of its changes, including Ozzy Osbourne being sacked and replaced by Ronnie James Dio. In fact for just one album, another of my other musical heroes joined as lead singer. That was Deep Purple’s Ian Gillan. Apparently he got drunk with Tony Iommi and agreed to join. 

Their last concert was an event that lasted all day and featured many other legendary performers and bands including Anthrax, Alice in Chains, Halestorm, Pantera, Tool, Slayer, Guns N’ Roses and Metallica with a host of other famous people including Jason Momoa who hosted the event. No wonder it was so expensive. 

I suppose every band has to finish and it is best to finish on a high. They are all old men and Ozzy in particular has been open about the health problems that he has to contend with. Nevertheless, I will still listen to their music as it helped shape my taste over the decades. 

To finish off I will present my favourite five songs by the band. The order of the songs may not please other Black Sabbath fans but I truly don’t care. All of the following have a special meaning for me personally and I love them. That said, it took me a while to create the list and there are loads of other favourites that could have made the top five. 

 5. Neon Knights (from Heaven and Hell - 1980)

This is a controversial choice perhaps because it features Ronnie James Dio instead of Ozzy Osbourne. The song is from the first album the band released after Ozzy was sacked. I love it because I think that Ronnie is one of the greatest rock singers ever. For me it was perfect to  blend in Ronnie’s style with  that of  Black Sabbath (Ronnie's style as in Rainbow and his own band called Dio) and it marks one of the peaks of my metal mania at the start of the 1980’s. It is just a brilliant song.  

4. Never Say Die (from Never Say Die - 1978)

The album “Never Say Die” was Ozzy’s last one before he was sacked. Of course he reappeared in the band later but we will ignore that for now. This is the first Black Sabbath album I actually paid money for. The album itself is disappointing in retrospect but the title track truly stands out. Again, this may be controversial with some Black Sabbath fans but I stand by my choice. 

3. Spiral Architect (from Sabbath Bloody Sabbath – 1973)

Other Black Sabbath fans may just roll their eyes when they hear this. I just think it’s beautiful song and quite different to what non-Black Sabbath fans may expect of the band (but see later). I love the lyrics:

Of all the things I value most in life

I see my memories

And feel their warmth

And know that they are good

You know that I should

The song includes strings too, which for me adds to the appeal of the song and is just the icing on the cake. It is a pleasing progression from their normal output.

2. Symptom of the Universe (from Sabotage – 1975)

Okay – this is what Black Sabbath are all about. This is a really good heavy metal song with the grinding guitar and deep thumping bass line, accompanied by brilliant drums and Ozzy’s amazing and unique voice. This is a true air guitar song and as a kid I found myself pretending to be a blend of Tony Iommi and Ozzy Osbourne as I jumped around my room listening to this tune. 

1. Sabbath Bloody Sabbath (from Sabbath Bloody Sabbath – 1973)

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath is a perfect metal masterpiece and certainly in my top ten heavy metal songs of all time. It has everything you would expect from Black Sabbath – a pounding grinding heavy beat that makes you want to headbang even if you don’t want to. Every time I hear it I lose myself in the music and shut out everything else. I love absolutely everything about it. 

And finally …

For those of you who think that Black Sabbath are just a loud obnoxious heavy metal band, just take a listen to these two songs that completely belie that stereotype. I’ve played this to friends and asked them to guess the band – nobody got it right and nobody could believe who it was. They are both beautiful.

Laguna Sunrise (from Black Sabbath Volume 4 – 1972)

Fluff (from Sabbath Bloody Sabbath – 1973)

We Are All F.A.B.

Welcome to a rainy Saturday in South Manchester. We’ve had good weather recently so it is a bit of a surprise to see the rain falling today. I managed to complete my morning walk before the first drops came thankfully. 

This week's Sunday Stealing  involves the word “FAB” In the UK we use it as an abbreviation for “fabulous”, for example the Beatles were the “Fab Four”, as George Harrison is pointing out in this solo hit from the 1980’s:

Although "FAB" was big in the 1960’s, it is used even today (probably by people who were born in the 1960’s like me). However, there is one use of it that causes confusion for some people and that is the use of F.A.B. in the 1960’s show Thunderbirds. When I was a kid watching the International Rescue saving the world with their magnificent Thunderbirds, I was confused when the Tracey brothers would acknowledge an order with “F.A.B”. 

“What does “F.A.B” stand for?” my seven year old self would ask. 

Well here (apparently) is the answer:

Okay, now that’s cleared up, let’s get F.A.B.

F. Film: What movie or tv show are you watching?

I usually have four TV shows on the go at any one time. Two of them are shared with Mrs and two are of my own choosing. Here are my current ones:

Gangs of London

This is a shared one with Mrs PM. It is a Sky show that is in its third season and is all about the rivalries between gangs in the city of London (as the title suggests). It is very gritty, violent and brutal and we both love it. The first two seasons were really good but the third is the best so far in my opinion. 

Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power

This is the other shared one with Mrs PM and is a prequel to the Lord of the Rings trilogy set thousands of years in the past. We are currently watching season one and so far it is proving to be very enjoyable. We both love Tolkien’s Middle Earth saga.

Andor

I’m not the biggest fan of Star Wars and although the movies are very successful, I’ve only really enjoyed a couple of them. The same goes for the series too but I have enjoyed The Mandalorian. I thought I would give Andor a try and series one was very impressive. I’m currently enjoying season two.

Stargate Atlantis

As soon as I retired, I decided to watch a series that had eluded me for years and that series is Stargate SG-1. Since September last year, I have been watching the show most weekdays as I enjoy my breakfast after a walk and I have to say, I loved it. Sadly, I have watched all ten seasons so I decided to move onto the spin-off Stargate Atlantis. And I have to say I think Stargate Atlantis is even more enjoyable. I’m currently on season three and the Wraith are wonderful adversaries.  

Movies

The last movie I watched was “Joker: Folie à Deux”. Compared to the original and wonderful “Joker” it was dreadful. I don’t blame Lady Ga Ga (as some may suggest). In my opinion, the blame lies with whoever decided to write such a terrible story and then make it partially a musical. 

I’m looking forward to seeing the new "Fantastic Four" movie when it is released in a couple of weeks, although Mrs PM and I want to find time to see "28 Years Later" in the next week. 

A. Audio: What are you listening to?

I listen to music all the time but I’d like to mention a new band that I have discovered this year. They are an Italian progressive rock band called Kingcrow and their 2024 album “Hopium” is absolutely amazing. Here is a song from it called “Night Drive”, a moody and atmospheric song that slowly builds up to an incredible crescendo: 

B. Book: What are you reading?

I have just started “Mr Mercedes” by Stephen King, one of the few books by him that I haven’t read yet. Apparently it is the first in a trilogy and so far it is proving to be an intriguing thriller (as opposed to his usual horror and supernatural style). If I like it, I will read the other two books too. 

The Queue

There’s a myth that British people like to queue. 

I am sure that there are some of my fellow countrymen who like to stand in a line of people waiting to fulfil a mundane task or perhaps even wish to be rewarded after patiently waiting for the people in front of them. 

But let me tell you one thing: I am British and I bloody well hate queuing. 

It’s not so bad if there are only one or two people in front of me but if the queue has more than ten people you will see this particular Englishman, externally at least, roll his eyes in frustration. Internally I will be cursing, chastising myself for not getting to the queue earlier and generally my mood will plummet. If you are in the queue with me the only sign that you will see of inner self-loathing will be sighs of frustration and trying to look ahead to see how quickly the queue is actually moving. 

If you could read my mind you would be appalled at the language of my inner voice. You would hear me mentally yelling at the people in front of me to hurry up while at the same time cursing the person who is dealing with the queue for not processing people quickly enough. 

Those weird people who actually enjoy queuing say that it gives them the opportunity to chat to people in the queue. Have you ever heard strangers in a queue talking to each other? They aren’t talking about how much they love queuing. They are talking about how much they hate queuing. It’s a walking paradox or more accurately a queuing paradox.

People also say that “Patience is a virtue” and I am a very patient person – unless I am in a queue when all traces of patience are expelled from my brain.

I have numerous examples of being involved in a long queue and things that piss me off about standing in line. Here’s just one – a simple one:

I’ve just returned from Nice and while queuing at airport security, there was a person in front of me asking questions about what he should put in the tray to go through the sensors. 

“Do I have to take my coat off? What about my belt? I’ve got a laptop in my bag, does that have to come out of the bag too? What about my keys? What about my phone? Do I have to take my shoes off? What about my watch and my glasses? And my wallet? And the coins in my back pocket? Oh – and I have some liquids. What’s the upper limit?”

Now these are all reasonable questions because every airport is different and the technology for scanning you and your hand luggage varies. Nevertheless, the queue-hater in me comes out screaming. My inner voice shrieks:

“CAN’T YOU READ? There are signs EVERYWHERE answering all of these questions FOR YOU!” 

This only happens in my head of course, otherwise I would probably be arrested because there are signs warning you about being aggressive or just a very grumpy person in a queue. Outside I appear to be the calmest person in the world but inside I am a ranting monster and a raving lunatic. This is what queuing does to me.

If it were up to me, queues would be abolished. Practically speaking of course that is impossible because queues exist for a reason and they exist worldwide. 

I have no answers. Queues are sadly a part of life and are inevitable. 

However, there is one British stereotype about queuing that I embrace whole-heartedly. And that is when I see somebody trying to jump into the queue. British people HATE queue jumpers and the usual so-called polite and reserved Englishman will act immediately if he thinks somebody is committing the cardinal sin of queue jumping. 

Here’s an example of a subtle technique used that Englishmen would react to instantly. This is highlighted by Larry David, an American, but the principle is the same:

Such behaviour in England is wholly unacceptable and can cause outrage. 

For example, we had a couple of minor celebrities called Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby who, at the time of the Queen’s death, were generally quite well-liked and respected (not by me but that’s a different story).  They had a TV magazine show called “This Morning” that was very popular. 

It all threatened to fall apart for them when they committed the cardinal queuing sin. The queue in question was to see Queen Elizabeth II lying in state and the length of the queue was enormous. Famous people mingled with your everyday Brit just to pay their respects and queued for more than twelve hours. 

Imagine that: QUEUING FOR 12 HOURS! 

However, Schofield and Willoughby used their “job” as an excuse to jump the queue and many people caught them on camera doing just that. There was complete outrage throughout the country. Many avid viewers of their show threatened to boycott the pair of them and for a time it looked like they were going to lose their jobs. 

They were forced to apologise:

Queuing is bad enough but having to queue while driving takes it to a new and higher level. And queue jumpers in this situation are treated as if they are beneath contempt. 

Picture the scene. You are driving on a three lane motorway and two of the lanes are blocked or closed a couple of miles ahead. This means that everybody in the two closed lanes has to merge into the one open lane. There is usually ample notice so the right thing to do is to gradually edge over to merge. People in the open lane acknowledge this and are quite happy to let people merge in gradually. However, there are some people (and let’s call them by their true name – arseholes) who decide that they are going to avoid the queues to merge and just rush down to the blockage itself and merge there thus avoiding most of the queue. This is a crime that should be punishable by law in the eyes of most people and as soon as people in the queue recognise what is happening, they all band together to stop the arsehole from merging. 

Similarly this can happen if people try to avoid queuing for a turnoff by waiting until the last minute to join those who have been queuing for ages. At this point road rage can definitely enter the equation and you can see some of the reactions if you look up queue jumping cars in Britain, where people post dashcam footage to name and shame the drivers. 

Queue jumping seems to be more rife abroad. I was in Crete many years ago and queuing to get on a boat when all of a sudden a bunch of Germans tried to push in at the front as if there were no such thing as queue etiquette. They were quickly dispatched to the back of the queue by a rather angry English lady at the front. 

This is what queuing does to people.

Next time you are in a queue try thinking about being in the queue with me. You will see a calm person queuing in an orderly fashion, occasionally rolling his eyes or sighing. If you try talking to me I will say something like “I wish this queue would hurry along.” But know that my inner hulk is raging. Thankfully nobody will ever see that inner hulk nor will you hear me reciting the lyrics in the following song. I hate queuing but I will never be a queue jumper:

Incomplete Thoughts

Welcome to a sunny and warm South Manchester, where the sun is shining from a blue sky with a few white clouds dotted around. Today my younger sister is visiting from Harrogate so I just have time to squeeze in a few silly questions from Sunday Stealing.  

Actually, as the title of this post suggests it’s more to do with completing some thoughts. Let’s dive in shall we. 

1. I wish someone would ...

I wish someone would grant me a thousand wishes. I wouldn’t abuse them I promise. 

Perhaps my first wish would be to force all politicians to actually tell the truth when they are so pompously and blatantly lying to our faces. This would make a good future blog post actually so watch this space. 

2. When I order Chinese food ...

When I order Chinese food I always suggest sharing the dishes that we order so that we can enjoy a variety of food. 

This is the only cuisine I do with this actually because my normal approach is this:

However, I love Chinese food (especially in China itself) so I am happy to sample the delights of other people’s dishes and allow them to sample mine. It’s hypocritical I know but then I’m not perfect by any means. 

3. I know it's not everyone's favourite activity, but I actually enjoy ...

I know it's not everyone's favourite activity, but I actually enjoy watching cricket. 

Since I retired, I have joined Lancashire Cricket Club which means that I can pop up to Old Trafford to watch cricket matches. I had a chat with a friend on WhatsApp about this and the conversation went like this: 

MATE: So how’s retirement?

PM: It’s great – I’ve got a few cricket matches booked.

MATE: Jeez!! Cricket???? If you’re that bored why don’t you come back to work?

PM: HA HA! I’d rather watch paint dry in a dark cellar than come back to work.

MATE: Watching paint dry is more interesting than watching cricket!!

I understand that a lot of people don’t like cricket but there is nothing more relaxing than watching a nice game of cricket on a sunny day with the occasional beer. I enjoy it and I will be renewing my membership next season too. 

5. A major pet peeve of mine is ...

A major pet peeve of mine is listening to people who bullshit about how good they are. 

You know the kind of people (we’ve all met them). Whatever you tell them you’ve been doing or have achieved, they have done the same thing better than you or they have made a bigger mess of it than you. 

It’s like a competition with them. I knew a bloke like this many years ago who used to tell tall stories and exaggerate to the point where he was unbelievable. 

One day there were four us on a site trip to Amsterdam and one of my mates said that he had been camping in the Lake District and had an encounter with a fox during the night. Mr Bullshit said: 

“That’s nothing. I was camping in Yosemite and on that trip, I had to hide from a bear. And as I hid, I heard screams. I went outside after ten minutes and found an unconscious bloke. I dragged him into my tent to keep him warm but when I woke up he was dead. I spent most of the night with a corpse.”

We didn’t believe him at all because this was a typical tall tale. The Lake District in the UK became Yosemite in the US, the fox became a bear and he threw in a corpse for good measure as a sort of icing on the cake. The more we scrutinised his story the more huge holes we found.

Later, that same evening, we saw a pinball machine in a bar. 

“I don’t want to play pinball,” he insisted. 

“Why not?” we asked. 

“Because I’m just too good – I’ll beat you all. I’ve won loads of money off  people because I’m so good.”

By this stage we were totally sick of his bullshit. We challenged him to play and eventually he gave in. One of our number had only played pinball once or twice and I was pretty poor too. We played three times each and each time Mr Bullshit finished last. Even the guy who had only played once or twice beat him easily. 

I have a few other tall tales he told but maybe I’ll save that for a separate post. 

6. I remember when my grandfather ...

I remember when my grandfather told me about his wartime experience. 

My dad’s dad was involved in World War II and was captured in Europe. My grandmother was told that he was missing in action and assumed the worst. When the war was over, he came back and turned up on the front door. Apparently he said “Hi love, I’m back.” 

My grandmother promptly fainted, so I was told. 

7. I am not fazed at all by ...

I am not fazed at all by the things people say about me. 

To be honest, I used to care a lot when I was younger but these days I have a thick skin and when somebody criticises me I just ignore it. I think it’s probably due to having worked with one or two over-critical managers over the years and in the end I used to ignore them completely. 

The vast majority of people I’ve had as managers have been amazing and some are still good mates. Nevertheless you get the odd one who doesn’t have a good word for anybody. 

It’s the “I’m better than you so I will say what I like and you will do it.” attitude that used to really annoy me. 

As my career progressed I stopped listening to such people and their opinions and started to fight back or just call them out or, best of all, just ignore them.

8. Long car rides ... 

Long car rides bore me to tears. 

In the UK most car rides are reasonably short. The longest one I have been on was from Manchester to Cornwall and that took hours and was tedious. But that is short compared to some in other countries. In Australia for example we drove from Brisbane to Sydney over several days, stopping off at various places. However, one day, we basically set off in the morning and arrived late at night and I was so bored even though I was in a different country. It’s the same in America. I love to travel but I hate getting there. 

9. I don't understand the fuss over ...

I don’t understand the fuss over the royal family. 

Some people in the UK get really upset when you criticise the royal family. They are human beings just like the rest of us and they are therefore subject to the same flaws that we all have. 

I don’t hate them; I just don’t get it and I certainly don't care what happens to them. . 

10. When I'm home alone ...

When I’m home alone, like I am now, I always find something to entertain the introvert inside of me. 

As I said, my sister is arriving later today and that is when I will unleash the extrovert. For now though, the introvert is in charge and when Mrs PM gets home later, he will pop back into his little room in my mind. 

I love the introvert.